Therapy Was My Last Resort. It Should Have Been My First.
I started therapy when I was 18. At that time, I was extremely unhappy with my life, mostly because of my family. My mom was abusive, both physically and emotionally, and the rest of her family was just as toxic. I felt trapped. There were days when I would wake up already exhausted, carrying the weight of things I didn’t even know how to name. I had no idea what to do with all the emotions I was holding in.
Then, I met my friend Arin. She was studying psychology at the time, and one day, she told me:
“You should talk to someone. A professional.”
I don’t remember exactly what I said back, but I do remember thinking, Is that even an option for me?
Therapy wasn’t something I ever considered before. Not because I didn’t believe in it, but because it felt so foreign. It wasn’t cheap, for one, and I didn’t know anyone who had actually gone to therapy. Still, a part of me knew that if I didn’t do something, I would eventually break.
I was open about it with my family, and unsurprisingly, they used it against me. They told me I didn’t need a psychologist. That I should just pray because I had too many demons in me. They laughed at the idea that I needed help. But I didn’t let that stop me.
Walking into my first session, I felt… nothing. I wasn’t scared or relieved, I was just lost. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say, how I was supposed to feel. I sat there, trying to understand what therapy even was. Was there supposed to be a breakthrough moment? A shift? Some kind of realization? But nothing happened that day. Or the next. Or the one after that.
It took me a long time to realize that therapy isn’t an instant fix. Healing isn’t something that just happens — it’s a process, and it’s slow. There were times when I wanted to quit because I felt like I wasn’t making any progress. But then I found the right therapist, and everything changed. I’ve been seeing her for almost six years now, and the difference between who I was then and who I am now is something I can’t even put into words.
I’ve learned to regulate my emotions in ways I never could before. I used to let them consume me, drowning in them for days, unable to separate myself from how I felt. Now, I know how to slow down, give myself time to process, and focus on the practical things I can do instead of just sitting in the feeling. I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel, but it’s also important to move forward.
However, going to therapy doesn’t mean I don’t struggle anymore. It hasn’t erased difficult emotions, nor has it made pain disappear. Hard days still come, and the weight of past wounds doesn’t just vanish. But now, I know how to sit with those feelings without letting them consume me. Therapy hasn’t made life easier , it has made me stronger in facing it.
It’s helped me in so many areas of my life. At work, I used to have this overwhelming urge to run the moment things got too hard. That fight-or-flight instinct would always kick in, telling me to just leave. But now, I can sit with my emotions, process them, and make a clear decision instead of reacting impulsively. I don’t judge myself for struggling anymore. I just take it one step at a time.
In relationships, I’ve become more honest with myself about what I want — what’s non-negotiable for me in friendships, in love, in the people I allow into my life. I’ve also learned how to separate my identity from my work. I set boundaries now. I can speak up when I need to. And when I make mistakes, I own up to them and move on instead of beating myself up over them for weeks.
Most importantly, I’ve learned how to check in with myself. I take walks to clear my head. I make time for exercise, not just for my body but for my mind. I’ve realized that being in touch with myself — really knowing myself — is the most important thing I can do.
I’ve never been ashamed of going to therapy. If anything, I wish more people talked about it openly. There’s this idea that seeking help makes you weak, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. It takes strength to face your own mind, to unlearn years of toxic patterns, to admit that you need help.
If you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt hesitant about therapy, I just want to tell you this:
Please don’t be afraid. You are human. You’re allowed to struggle. And just like you take time to understand the people around you, to build trust and maintain relationships, you need to do the same with yourself. Therapy isn’t a quick fix. It’s not magic. But it’s worth it.
So if you’re thinking about starting, do it. Talk to someone you trust. The first step is always the hardest, but I promise you — it’s worth it.
However, finding the right therapist won’t happen overnight, but don’t let that discourage you. It took me two years of continuous sessions and five different therapists until I found the one I’ve been with ever since. At first, I didn’t even know what I needed, but by showing up, session after session, I started to understand myself better, and eventually, I found the right person who truly helps me grow.
I write mostly for myself, but sharing some of them with you :)
Thanks for reading!
X,
A little bit of everything
