My personal story: How Infidelity Shattered My World

Today is the first day after I found out that he had been unfaithful. It was like the world had stopped spinning, leaving me in a void of pain and confusion. I felt like I had lost a part of myself, and my entire world had been turned upside down.

As the day progressed, my emotions became increasingly intense. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster of anger, sadness, and despair. I tried to distract myself by watching TV, reading a book, or talking to friends, but nothing seemed to help.

When night came, I found that the darkness amplified my pain. The silence of my empty apartment was deafening, and my thoughts were racing, replaying every moment of my relationship and trying to make sense of what had happened.

I cried non-stop, and my body felt like it was vibrating with the intensity of my emotions. It was like all the pain and sadness I had been holding inside for so long finally found an outlet.
The worst part was the feeling of isolation. It was a lonely and isolating experience. Even though I had friends and family who cared about me, I felt no one could understand the depth of my pain.

It’s very, very painful, and I’m not okay.

I grew up in a household where my parents’ relationship was marked by addiction, violence, and infidelity. My dad was a gambler, alcoholic, and physically abusive to my mom. He cheated on her numerous times, leaving our family shattered and broken.

But as I grew older and formed my own relationships, I found that those fears and beliefs were still deeply ingrained in me. I would constantly question my partner’s loyalty and motives, even when no evidence suggested they were unfaithful.

It wasn’t until I started working with a therapist that I began to understand how my upbringing impacted my beliefs and behaviors in relationships. Through therapy, I was able to work through some of the unresolved trauma and emotions related to my parent’s relationship and develop a deeper understanding of my patterns and tendencies.

While it’s still a work in progress, I’ve made significant strides in learning to trust myself and others more fully until I met this guy.

When I was with him, I felt like my anxiety was always high. I didn’t want to believe something was wrong in the relationship because I loved and trusted him. I would try to make sense of it, telling myself that maybe it was just my attachment style or my own personal anxiety.

But over time, I started to realize that my body was trying to tell me something. My anxiety and discomfort around him weren’t just a result of my own issues but rather a sign that something was off in the relationship. I couldn’t ignore the signs any longer and started to dig into what was happening.

As I started to uncover the truth about his actions and the infidelity that had been going on, all of the puzzle pieces began to fit together. I realized that my body had been trying to tell me that something was wrong and that I had been doubting myself instead of listening to my intuition.

The realization hit me hard, and I cried as I came to terms with how much I had doubted myself. From that moment on, I made a promise to myself never to doubt my own feelings and intuition again.

It wasn’t an easy lesson to learn, but it has stuck with me and helped me navigate future relationships with more confidence and self-trust.

I never thought it would happen to me, infidelity. I always told myself I would have to find a nice guy who wouldn’t do what My Dad did. But then, I discovered my partner was cheating on me. It was a gut-wrenching, devastating experience that turned my world upside down.

I struggled with intense self-doubt and confusion as I tried to process my emotions and make sense of what had happened. He belittled my words and made me feel small, making me doubt my perceptions and feelings about the relationship.

I knew he had gaslighted me so much. He had been denying or distorting the truth to make me doubt myself and my own perceptions. This made it even harder to deal with the aftermath of the infidelity, as I struggled to separate truth from lies and make sense of my own feelings.

It’s very, very painful, and I’m not okay.

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Writing mostly for myself, sharing some of it with you :)

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