If Someone Refuses to Understand You, Believe Them.

There’s a certain kind of exhaustion that comes from explaining yourself, not once, not twice, but over and over again, to someone who insists they understand, only to prove moments later that they don’t.

It’s the kind of exhaustion that makes you question yourself. Am I too sensitive? Too demanding? Expecting too much? Or worse: was I supposed to just accept this and wait for things to get better?

I used to think communication was the key to everything. That if two people just sat down, spoke honestly, and truly listened, they could work through anything. But here’s the thing about talking to the wrong person:

It doesn’t bring clarity. It brings chaos.

Some people don’t hear what you’re saying. They hear an attack. You tell them, “I feel unheard,” and they hear “You’re a bad person.” You say, “This pattern is hurting me,” and they respond as if you just accused them of war crimes.

It’s not a conversation. It’s a performance , one where your words are twisted into weapons, and you end up defending yourself for even bringing them up.

You can explain. You can rephrase. You can soften your tone, cushion your words, pick the perfect timing. But none of it matters if the person you’re talking to is more invested in protecting their ego than fixing the problem.

At some point, you stop waiting for change. Not because you’re impatient, but because reality finally catches up to you. If someone wanted to change, they already would be.

You look back and realize you’ve spent months, or years, collecting red flags like souvenirs, hoping one day they’d turn into something else. That somehow, if you stayed long enough, tolerated enough, loved enough, they would wake up one day and say:

“You know what? I’ve been wrong this whole time.”

But that day never comes.

And when you finally walk away, they say things like “You’re impossible to talk to.” A final little twist of the knife, as if to remind you why you should have left sooner.

The Last Lesson

Here’s what I know now:

You can’t teach someone to respect you. You can’t teach someone to listen. And you sure as hell can’t love someone into being better.

Some people just aren’t meant to hear you. And that’s okay. Because when you stop wasting your voice on the wrong person, you finally have the energy to speak to the right ones.

And that, my friend, is the best conversation you’ll ever have.

I write mostly for myself, but sharing some of them with you.

Thanks for reading!

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