Friendship Breakup? It's OK.
It's not only a romantic relationship that could be broken up. Friendship could be too.
I won't explain the definition of Friendship Breakup; you can all google it up. It's everywhere. But I would like to share my experience here, my story, and how I handle it — not towards the person but more cognitively. It's about me and my realizations.
Of course, in theory, a friendship breakup is not a big deal, but it actually is, just like a romantic relationship. In my opinion, it's equally hurtful and difficult to handle as a romantic relationship breakup.
I recently experienced a few friendship breakups; at first, I thought it must be me, always me, the culprit, the guilty, etc. So much self-mocking I did to myself. But I have never thought *until recently that It might be challenging, but what if it's necessary? What if it is just expired? Yes, the friendship is just expired.
I started to understand the meaning of "Nothing lasts forever" meaning everything has its expiration date. And so is friendship.
- I just discovered that I and my friend, who I have known for quite a while, no longer belong to each other.
- I also just experienced being friends with someone who doesn't have the same understanding about stuff, that sometimes things are just not about her.
- I also had a friend with whom I got along really well, and it turns out that when he was on top of his career, he behaved very arrogantly. And we simply fall apart.
So how exactly do I switch my point of view of these broke ups and give myself a different understanding so that I can live with more peace knowing that we are no longer friends?
For point number 1, I had a lot of self-reflection; why are we not getting along anymore? It turns out it is just simply because we have a very different way of friendship style now. I tried to talk about it with him, but it seemed like it didn't work.
Things like… I don't like how touchy and always wanted to protect me — I don't like to get touched like hand holdings, and stuff, and the protecting thingy; he might have good intentions, but somehow it makes me feel like I don't have room to be on my own, I mean, if I fall — let me fall, let me learn, and be on my own. He didn't always need to feel responsible for protecting me; I thought it was too much.
And how much he always wanted to do everything together — where I am more grounded and need me-time and more free when we travel or go somewhere together.
Point number 2 actually is more about how fast I got close to this person and labeled her as my soul-sister because we just clicked and were on the same page about everything. Well, apparently not everything :D. The more I am friends with her, the more I see that she is not my person and that we are on the same level of life. He still sees stuff as "everything is about her." This one is my bad habit; I tend to get attached quickly; I should have given it more time to understand and label someone as a soul-sister — don't get attached so easily.
From this, my learning is more about: Don't rush things; give it time! Things that seem so shiny in the beginning don't necessarily mean that it's something good on a long-term basis. This also shaped my view on cultivating new friendships in the future.
Point number 3 is somewhat similar to point number 2, but this one is even more complex; it was a colleague's friendship. I met this person at work, and we are still working together atm, he was so fun to be around, and he was one of the people I would count on when I had a terrible day at work because he was delightful and a mood booster.
He acts like a totally different person when he's given more responsibility and title, and I am quite disappointed and upset. But then it made me realize this is not about me; it is about his inability to keep down to earth when he got something bigger. Being humble is a skill, huh? He might not be there yet. The learning from this is that this thing happens, and it's out of my control, so there's no need to overthink this.
Overall, these are all deep and long thoughts I have and analyze, and when I review them all again, I don't do anything wrong. It is not because I am unloveable or that hard to be around or anything like that; sometimes, things are just expired, not working anymore, and are not as good as it seems in the beginning.
I also have realized that I learned much about friendships and intrapersonal relationships this year. I also see this as a shared human experience, and understanding and seeing things from a different perspective by detaching myself and seeing the bigger picture over all the situations made me easier to accept the fact and have more peace with myself because I don't judge myself anymore, and move on with my life.
With or without them, I am still me, and life goes on; sure, I will meet a lot of new people that might be more on the same page as me and have the same frequency as me until it reaches the expiry date.
Oh, and the expiry date might be death, meaning we might have them permanently in our life till death leaves us apart. :)
Thank you for reading this,
I write it mostly for myself and to share it with you :)
Take care until then,
XXX
