End that conversation!
Ever Feel Like You’re Talking to Someone from Another Planet?
You know the kind — where you’re saying one thing, but they hear something entirely different? It’s like being on two different planets, where your words don’t connect, and no matter how much you try to explain, you’re just not getting through.
I’ve had a few experiences like this, and now that I look back, and honestly, remembering them now just makes me laugh — because wow, that person sounded like the dumbest smart person alive. Like, they think they get it. They feel superior. But they just… don’t. And they never will. No matter how clear I tried to be, they never understood. And what’s even crazier is that they were proud of not understanding, as if their version of events was the truth.
The most effective advice I have for anyone dealing with this? End that conversation, now.
Here’s how it typically goes:
1. Dismissal:
The first phase is always about dismissing any valid concerns you bring up. They might tell you that your perspective is wrong or make you feel like you’re overreacting. It’s an easy way to undermine your feelings and shift the blame onto you.
2. Subtle Gaslighting:
Next comes the subtle gaslighting, which is perhaps the most insidious part. They’ll reframe your actions, thoughts, or feelings as a “defense mechanism” or “emotional armor.” For example, when you call out their behavior, they might try to paint it as you being hyperaware or overly sensitive due to some past trauma. They’ll frame your honest reactions as a flaw in yourself, not in their behavior. This is exactly what gaslighting looks like: when your honest feedback is turned into something that’s supposedly “wrong” with you.
3. Victim Mentality:
Following the gaslighting comes the victim mentality. They’ll position themselves as the misunderstood party. They might apologize, but it’s always framed in a way that leaves you questioning whether it was truly an apology or just another tactic to manipulate your feelings. They’ll say things like, “I never meant to hurt you,” or “I’ve been trying so hard,” without truly acknowledging the damage done. It’s like they’re trying to paint themselves as the good guy, even though their actions say otherwise.
4. Guilt-Tripping:
And then, the guilt-trip. They’ll make you feel like it’s your fault that things went wrong. They’ll subtly tell you that you need to let your guard down, lower your emotional armor, and accept their flaws as part of being human. This is just a manipulation tactic. They’re asking you to accept their bad behavior without holding them accountable, while implying that you’re the one who’s too rigid or unwilling to see their “imperfections.”
When I think back on it, I can’t help but laugh. It’s almost comical how hard people will work to make themselves look better by twisting the narrative. But at the end of the day, I realized that no amount of explaining, no matter how perfectly crafted my email or message was, was going to make this person see the truth. And you know what? I don’t need to convince them. The mistake I made was trying so hard to explain everything in detail, to make them understand. But they never will. They’re too invested in their version of the story to see things from any other perspective. And trust me, until the end of time, it will never happen.
One of the key things gaslighters do is deflect.
Deflection is when someone avoids taking responsibility by shifting the focus away from their behavior and onto something else — usually, it’s onto you or your reactions. Instead of acknowledging their actions, they make it seem like you’re the one at fault, making you feel like you’re the one who needs to change or improve. It’s a clever way of avoiding accountability.
Why We Need to Recognize Gaslighting
It’s crucial to learn how to recognize gaslighting, because once you understand it, you can stop allowing it to happen. And here’s the kicker: when you call out gaslighting, they’ll often accuse you of being the one who’s not accepting their imperfections. They’ll try to make you believe that you’re the problem — that you’re overthinking things, or that your reaction is too extreme. But what they don’t realize is that gaslighting is not just a flaw. It’s harmful. And it’s something that shouldn’t be tolerated.
Anyway…
At the end of the day, your peace is the most important thing. If someone is making you feel invalidated, manipulated, or confused, don’t hesitate to walk away. You don’t need to explain yourself or justify your feelings. Your peace is worth more than any conversation that doesn’t serve you.
If you’re interested in diving deeper into understanding gaslighting, I recommend watching this insightful video from Dr. Ramani on MedCircle.
It’s a game-changer when it comes to understanding manipulative behavior. Check it out for a more comprehensive understanding of how to protect yourself from people who try to mess with your mind.
Remember: End the conversation. You’ll thank me later ;)
Writing mostly for myself, sharing some of it with you :)
Xx
